i've felt distinctly one way the last couple days, as i approach tomorrow, the day the liquids start (sounds biblical, doesn't it?) i feel like i'm on the slow, steady ride up a rollercoaster...i sort of know what's going to happen when i get to the top, but also have no idea. any doubts and fears i have are in vain now, because it's too late to change course. of course if i really changed my mind i could, but there's not a chance in hell that's happening. i know what i need to do, and i'm doing it. in that way, it reminds me of a feeling i've had before...
in the days leading up to when i quit smoking four and a half years ago, i had almost the exact same feelings i have right now - excited, nervous, in a little bit of disbelief, and totally unclear on how i was about to do what i was about to do. but in this case too, although i don't know exactly how i'm going to do it, i know i'm going to, with a great, strong, proud certainty. i won't know exactly how until i get there, and i'm done trying to scramble for ways to fully embrace and immerse myself in what is about to be - because i've accepted that where i stand today, i haven't a chance of doing that. i'll only know once i get there, so off i go.
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