showers of happiness

we had a bridal shower for my sister the other day and aside from the fact that i felt great in my fab caftan with everyone's sweet compliments, it was an amazing experience to run an event as i have so many times and to be on my feet going and doing for 12 hours straight and NOT feel like i was going to pass out. back then, my ankles and knees and back would be screaming in pain and i'd give my first born to sit down, but in most cases, i'd soldier through - part denial, part stubbornness and part passion for what i was going.

experiences like that are the type that although i'd be loving them in my former life, they'd also be physically hurting me in a way that felt like pain and shame and sadness. i'd rarely let on that that was the way i felt, but i think those closest to me always knew and were concerned about me in those moments. on sunday at the shower and afterwards, my mom and my sister kept asking me to sit down and take a rest the way they used to, but i really didn't need a rest. i felt really good.