bottoms up, part two

so remember how i totally handled my liquor the first few times i tried drinking again? yeah, not so much one night a couple weeks ago when out for a work function. luckily, i don't think i was inappropriate (i don't think...), but i felt like death on a stick the next day. i think i probably had about three or four drinks over the course of the night (note the word probably, as i actually have no idea), and i have to be clear and say that the probably three or four drinks i had were over the course of probably 6 or 7 hours...i don't want you to think me totally irresponsible. anyway, i ended up at penn station close to midnight eating a piece of pizza. so yeah. looking back, there were a few problems: 

first, i hardly ate at dinner because our dinner had been pre-ordered and it was pizza.  i didn't eat it because i don't eat things like that anymore (yes, i do note the irony given a few sentences ago....) by the time i realized that the various pizzas on our table were in fact dinner and not an appetizer, there wasn't much time to order and they weren't very protein friendly. i ended up with a few bites of a very wilty green salad, and that was that. i wasn't hungry, i was perfectly comfortable. and buzzed. and having a great time. that was the other problem...

i was having so much fun! i didn't want it to end, so i kept drinking. very simple, really. and in many ways, that's been my problem with food too. i like it, it tastes good, it feels good, give me more. of course over the years as my wires have gotten crossed, it's gotten more complicated and more nuanced than that, but the bare bones of it are there.

when i was calling home checking in, mitchell was nervous. he could hear that i was more than just tipsy, and he was worried. i assured him that i was fine (i was!) and that i was just having fun. i got home fine, threw up a little (sorry) and then woke up a few hours later certain that i would never again feel normal.

i haven't had a drink since then, but what i do notice is that i've been so hungry (i did get my period also, so there's that too) and i've been craving carbs since then. THANKS PIZZA. it's kind of ridic how that works. it was ONE NIGHT. and yet, the carb bug has infected my brain again. and i don't mean brown rice and flax and quinoa, the grains and carbs i do eat. let me put it this way...the next day, once i felt somewhat human again, all i wanted in the world was a bologna hero. imagine that. 

NO I DID NOT EAT A BOLOGNA HERO. but i wanted to.