thin skin

some days, i feel a careful separation between me and what the world thinks of fat people. and other days, that separation seems to have evaporated into thin air. i find myself on edge after seeing or hearing an insensitive comment and i feel a generalized sense of malaise. it's frustrating, though not surprising, that external things can sometimes feel so personal.take for example, the douchebag asshole on facebook who apparently has a very sophisticated sense of humor. the photos above and below are his two most recent status updates. asshole. unfriended asshole, that is.

i thought about sharing some parting words before i unfriended him, but really, why? what would it get me? 

then in the much more evolved but still upsetting realm, i read an article about a woman who lost 120 lbs by cutting out processed foods, etc, which i think is great. what put me in a bad mood was the way she dismissed gastric bypass surgery, which she had considered and then decided against. 

i get that people sometimes think it's the easy way out, though i stopped having that notion as soon as i understood what it entailed for life. the part that bothers me is the notion of doing it "on your own" and it's what stopped me from considering the surgery earlier (read about how i decided to do it here). for me, doing it "on my own" wasn't as important as DOING IT, and i arrived at the fact that if i knew how to do it, i would have done it already, a hundred times. if the woman featured in this article can do it "on her own," then i'm happy for her. so whatever, i can brush that off. 

but what left me feeling uneasy and sad was the casual mention of how many people gain the weight back. why does that bug me so much? probably because i know it's true and i have the deepest, most intense fear that it will happen to me.